why?zag!
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an old jungle saying goes thus – a wise old sage once said - ‘ the dead forever remain dead, but the living are not always alive.’ I found myself reflecting on the truth of this ‘lore and even though the myth behind this legend seems obscure, the truth is not. I began to reminiscence the times I was –‘alive’. Suddenly I was at loss – ‘come on – just recollect the most important moments of your life; - I told myself. With a shock I realised that the most important milestones in my life that meant so much to me did not somehow fit into the sage’s wise words. The first time I stepped onto a ship as a cadet, my first command as a Captain – these were ‘The Moments’ of my life, nothing, nothing could be bigger than this. Then wrapped in genuine horror I realised that – they were - very big, very special, but somehow, somehow short of the prophecy.
I began to sweat and lost all hope, a feeling of being so vulnerable and exposed engulfed me. I felt distressed and my mind like always jumped into the fray and rescued me once again. I don’t know the details of the battle that waged thereafter; all I remember is the outcome of the confrontation was drifting into a deep slumber. My mind later gave me the details and warned me to beware of the two dangerous enemies of mine that had caused me this suffering – my heart and my soul. I made the two suffer for hurting me so deeply which pleased my mind and I confined the two to the abyss with dire consequences – should they ever try to even dream of any escape from the hellhole. My best friend on whose advice I had done so hugged me so lovingly and I felt a twinge of pride in having handled the situation so courageously. So, it was the same every night. My mind would whisper – ‘goodnight’ and we hugged each other tight and drifted off to the kingdom of the night.
Secretly, every night when I fell asleep, my soul and heart would lie awake talking to each other. My soul confessed to my heart that it was hurting to see me saddened this way. The heart pleaded helplessness and reminded the soul of the endless times it had reached out, begged me, even fallen down on it’s knees – only to be kicked, rebuked rather sternly and – did the soul forget that awful night when they were both were unceremoniously dismissed after being humiliated. Unless the soul could convince my mind there was nothing the heart could do – sad but true. ‘Even if both of us yelled together, the pleading would only reverberate inside the abyss’ – the soul, lovingly reached out to my heart and embraced the heart – ‘we have the one thing the mind will never possess – we have our faith’. Through the tears the heart saw the soul and it appeared so divine and holy – misty eyed and feeling the magic of hope the heart smiled sadly and softly. The soul swore – ‘see, we have our faith’. Somewhere high above a yawn followed the crackle of a laughter – fools!, no wonder I despise them he thought and hugged me tight and we drifted off to Mysterious Kingdom of Blissful Sleep. The guardian of Sleep kingdom had a very loving face and it reflected kindness, warmth and so full of – I could never understand, maybe love. As soon as my mind stepped in he began to stare behind me, he always did that – I wondered why, before ordering the hauling up of the drawbridge and the closure of the main castle gates. He knew no one else would be coming. Being a pious man he prayed for me on that rainy night just as he had on many endless nights before – ‘Dear God, have mercy on this heartless and soulless child – forgive him and help him find himself’, while I slept blissfully unaware. My mind had mastered the art of putting me to sleep well, I slept like a log.
The next morning I woke up fresh and well rested, however the alarm had been accidently set for four am. I never usually leave the confines of my cosy bed until well after sunrise. On impulse I decided to go and watch the sunrise. I quickly freshened up and went out on a morning walk/jog. For about two hours I was the only one awake and I covered the beautiful walk around the hill and finally reached the top of the hill – Kailashgiri. The hill is named in honour of the God Kailash and is next to the sea, every sight for miles around the hill is mesmerising even in the day, and the effect at twilight was simply magical and truly mesmerising. Despite the cold winter wind blowing I was sweating when I made it all the way to the top and sat down to rest a while at the point that is named – ‘Titanic’ and shaped like a forecastle. I stood there alone and felt nostalgic. It felt as if I was sailing down the oceans and the view was almost as if one was on a bridge wing out in the open ocean. I don’t know how long I stood there before I noticed a silhouette while the sun was still below the horizon. It seemed familiar and was holding onto something indiscernible. Just then I felt the zephyr caress me softly and I smiled softly. The apparition fearfully smiled back at me and I smiled again, this time with true affection. The warmth in my eyes was the icebreaker and slowly I felt my heart smiling. I was about to wake up my mind but I felt guilty about doing it since I had been really working it overtime and this was the only time I remember in a long time waking before my mind did. Anyway I reasoned out with myself - what harm can a broken heart and a wounded soul do to me ? For about an hour all three of us sat there just staring at the Sun God rising over King Neptune’s domain. No words were spoken, and out of the blue I reached out and put a hand around my heart while I gestured with kindness to my soul to sit on the other side. The three of us sat with my arms wrapped around each other for a long time. I don’t remember having a conversation, all I recall is coming home around ten.
My mind sensed the change in me and began to cry. I understood the pain that it was feeling, but I had also realised that pain needs an outlet to flow out and drain itself. I had to wait until the time my mind would have cried and run out of tears, until time would hold her hand and begin the healing. The God of Time is a healer, because it heals anything and everything, also because it is always healing someone all the time.
It has been about 12 years now since I came full circle.
Sometimes I wonder - why did the sages bother going to forests in search of God? Spend sometime with a kid and you will find him without even making any real effort. The trio in every child live in perfect harmony. Whenever the trio reside in anybody in harmony, the presence of the maker is abundantly felt. It does not matter how insignificant or unimportant the person is. Frailty, that is what we cannot completely eradicate, so we find that the One only visit’s us – randomly - sometimes in our dreams, our actions, our words, our deeds. The Sages may have come to this conclusion centuries ago, therefore went to the forests to turn back time - until all that was left of them was a child.
Ask anybody what the colour of the sea is and chances are that he will tell you it’s blue. Ask a mariner and he will state that fact that it is – grey!. Yes, grey – that’s how I always remember it. Perhaps that is the reason I look at life and paint it in the same colour. Nothing is black or white; everything in the world has shades of grey.
Many a times I have thanked my Maker for the wonderful fatherland of mine – Vizag (I prefer to call the Magical Kingdom of my birth as why?zag!), nobody and that includes myself could have chosen a better place to grow up in. I could not have ever asked my Maker for a better daughter. Her smile is proof of his soothing presence. I need no other sign.
I sometimes recall the words of my soul to the heart – ‘we have our faith’. Yes,
Well the wise, old Sage also remarked thus – ‘it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’....what is love? The trio shoot back – what is not love?.
Love!,an emotion the Maker has ensured is endowed in every being in abundant quantity. This is one of the biggest miraculous powers gifted to us. The more one casts his magic of love, the more he is blessed with it. The Sun God spreads it as soon as he rises shyly over the horizon. Watch the sun rising over the sea and you will feel the love flow into your very being. Some things are meant to be felt, because they can never be explained. The enigma is not only intriguing but mystifying as well. And therein is the beauty - the courage to accept things for what they are. Faith! – yes, keep the faith.
In case you are wondering what this has to do with a introduction on a rock forum, strange - but true. I was brought up in a little town in India listening to bands like Heart/Bad company/Vixen/Scorpions etc and this wonderful forum lit up a lot of sweet buried memories. Thanks for the forum and reading this..
On a lighter note should have never stopped wrong songs lyrics - btw the title of the this thread was supposed to be my first Album - Nostalgia!!!...
I began to sweat and lost all hope, a feeling of being so vulnerable and exposed engulfed me. I felt distressed and my mind like always jumped into the fray and rescued me once again. I don’t know the details of the battle that waged thereafter; all I remember is the outcome of the confrontation was drifting into a deep slumber. My mind later gave me the details and warned me to beware of the two dangerous enemies of mine that had caused me this suffering – my heart and my soul. I made the two suffer for hurting me so deeply which pleased my mind and I confined the two to the abyss with dire consequences – should they ever try to even dream of any escape from the hellhole. My best friend on whose advice I had done so hugged me so lovingly and I felt a twinge of pride in having handled the situation so courageously. So, it was the same every night. My mind would whisper – ‘goodnight’ and we hugged each other tight and drifted off to the kingdom of the night.
Secretly, every night when I fell asleep, my soul and heart would lie awake talking to each other. My soul confessed to my heart that it was hurting to see me saddened this way. The heart pleaded helplessness and reminded the soul of the endless times it had reached out, begged me, even fallen down on it’s knees – only to be kicked, rebuked rather sternly and – did the soul forget that awful night when they were both were unceremoniously dismissed after being humiliated. Unless the soul could convince my mind there was nothing the heart could do – sad but true. ‘Even if both of us yelled together, the pleading would only reverberate inside the abyss’ – the soul, lovingly reached out to my heart and embraced the heart – ‘we have the one thing the mind will never possess – we have our faith’. Through the tears the heart saw the soul and it appeared so divine and holy – misty eyed and feeling the magic of hope the heart smiled sadly and softly. The soul swore – ‘see, we have our faith’. Somewhere high above a yawn followed the crackle of a laughter – fools!, no wonder I despise them he thought and hugged me tight and we drifted off to Mysterious Kingdom of Blissful Sleep. The guardian of Sleep kingdom had a very loving face and it reflected kindness, warmth and so full of – I could never understand, maybe love. As soon as my mind stepped in he began to stare behind me, he always did that – I wondered why, before ordering the hauling up of the drawbridge and the closure of the main castle gates. He knew no one else would be coming. Being a pious man he prayed for me on that rainy night just as he had on many endless nights before – ‘Dear God, have mercy on this heartless and soulless child – forgive him and help him find himself’, while I slept blissfully unaware. My mind had mastered the art of putting me to sleep well, I slept like a log.
The next morning I woke up fresh and well rested, however the alarm had been accidently set for four am. I never usually leave the confines of my cosy bed until well after sunrise. On impulse I decided to go and watch the sunrise. I quickly freshened up and went out on a morning walk/jog. For about two hours I was the only one awake and I covered the beautiful walk around the hill and finally reached the top of the hill – Kailashgiri. The hill is named in honour of the God Kailash and is next to the sea, every sight for miles around the hill is mesmerising even in the day, and the effect at twilight was simply magical and truly mesmerising. Despite the cold winter wind blowing I was sweating when I made it all the way to the top and sat down to rest a while at the point that is named – ‘Titanic’ and shaped like a forecastle. I stood there alone and felt nostalgic. It felt as if I was sailing down the oceans and the view was almost as if one was on a bridge wing out in the open ocean. I don’t know how long I stood there before I noticed a silhouette while the sun was still below the horizon. It seemed familiar and was holding onto something indiscernible. Just then I felt the zephyr caress me softly and I smiled softly. The apparition fearfully smiled back at me and I smiled again, this time with true affection. The warmth in my eyes was the icebreaker and slowly I felt my heart smiling. I was about to wake up my mind but I felt guilty about doing it since I had been really working it overtime and this was the only time I remember in a long time waking before my mind did. Anyway I reasoned out with myself - what harm can a broken heart and a wounded soul do to me ? For about an hour all three of us sat there just staring at the Sun God rising over King Neptune’s domain. No words were spoken, and out of the blue I reached out and put a hand around my heart while I gestured with kindness to my soul to sit on the other side. The three of us sat with my arms wrapped around each other for a long time. I don’t remember having a conversation, all I recall is coming home around ten.
My mind sensed the change in me and began to cry. I understood the pain that it was feeling, but I had also realised that pain needs an outlet to flow out and drain itself. I had to wait until the time my mind would have cried and run out of tears, until time would hold her hand and begin the healing. The God of Time is a healer, because it heals anything and everything, also because it is always healing someone all the time.
It has been about 12 years now since I came full circle.
Sometimes I wonder - why did the sages bother going to forests in search of God? Spend sometime with a kid and you will find him without even making any real effort. The trio in every child live in perfect harmony. Whenever the trio reside in anybody in harmony, the presence of the maker is abundantly felt. It does not matter how insignificant or unimportant the person is. Frailty, that is what we cannot completely eradicate, so we find that the One only visit’s us – randomly - sometimes in our dreams, our actions, our words, our deeds. The Sages may have come to this conclusion centuries ago, therefore went to the forests to turn back time - until all that was left of them was a child.
Ask anybody what the colour of the sea is and chances are that he will tell you it’s blue. Ask a mariner and he will state that fact that it is – grey!. Yes, grey – that’s how I always remember it. Perhaps that is the reason I look at life and paint it in the same colour. Nothing is black or white; everything in the world has shades of grey.
Many a times I have thanked my Maker for the wonderful fatherland of mine – Vizag (I prefer to call the Magical Kingdom of my birth as why?zag!), nobody and that includes myself could have chosen a better place to grow up in. I could not have ever asked my Maker for a better daughter. Her smile is proof of his soothing presence. I need no other sign.
I sometimes recall the words of my soul to the heart – ‘we have our faith’. Yes,
Well the wise, old Sage also remarked thus – ‘it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’....what is love? The trio shoot back – what is not love?.
Love!,an emotion the Maker has ensured is endowed in every being in abundant quantity. This is one of the biggest miraculous powers gifted to us. The more one casts his magic of love, the more he is blessed with it. The Sun God spreads it as soon as he rises shyly over the horizon. Watch the sun rising over the sea and you will feel the love flow into your very being. Some things are meant to be felt, because they can never be explained. The enigma is not only intriguing but mystifying as well. And therein is the beauty - the courage to accept things for what they are. Faith! – yes, keep the faith.
In case you are wondering what this has to do with a introduction on a rock forum, strange - but true. I was brought up in a little town in India listening to bands like Heart/Bad company/Vixen/Scorpions etc and this wonderful forum lit up a lot of sweet buried memories. Thanks for the forum and reading this..
On a lighter note should have never stopped wrong songs lyrics - btw the title of the this thread was supposed to be my first Album - Nostalgia!!!...
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