My dad recently decided to quit smoking.
So he's been really really bitchy.
I stayed away from him the whole day because of his bitchiness, but here's some of my favourite dad-isms:
"I wasn't sure whether to laugh or vomit."
[Insert incoherent drunken singing in the shower.]
"I have to go do some paperwork." [when he's headed downstairs to his private bathroom.]
My dad's probably the weirdest, grossest person I know.