Family, Friends and Music! <3

[Soot and Stars]

Family, Friends and Music! <3: An Exploration of What It All Means Through My Recent Experience With My Grandparents

This was originally a facebook post that took on a life of it's own. I originally was going to hint at most of these things when I made the forum post in a lead up to a musical playlist for your grandparents. This is what it turned into and it's personal but it's as much about music and a lot of the factors we discussed in the "just a song" thread recently. So just a warning that it's long and personal but I feel that it's relevant and definitely focused appropriately on music! Here's the essay/rant/crazy man rambling exactly as was written! There's room for discussion with similar stories and experience!

People often look at me like I have three heads or end up scratching there own when I'm either buying albums by the handful or spamming their feed with about 80% music post as output. They ask me questions or make statements in reference to how I'll never be able to listen to all of them. I get it and I don't consider what I do anymore rational than a typical obsession. It usually involves overreaching and over thought possibilities in many senses. This is not going to give a complete answer and it's not aiming to. One of my favorite things about music and one of the higher purposes is connection as well as my personal belief that music as an art form has more healing and dare I say a higher purpose/positive effect than any medium/media/artform in existence. The only thing that secedes it is direct contact with your loved ones but you put the two together and it's magic.

Over the years I've done my best to expand myself to wrapping myself around as many types, genres and eras as I can. I've felt how music can make me feel and ever since then I wanted more hence the obsession. The more connections I've made with people of the same passion the more I've closed doors on ideas of what I didn't consider quality music. My friend Rob really opened me to pop music in college even though he thinks I'm a hipster who hates popular music now. My grandparents got me to open up to Country mostly because I enjoyed connecting with them on scenic drives. Throughout my life I've seen how others got some deeper connection to all different things and realized there's so much depth behind that with different stories behind the history of a song. There's different angles as to how people wrap themselves around a song. For the past decades I've always wanted that ability to wrap myself up into as many different songs and artist as I could so I could listen deeper, explore further, unwrap it's essence/history/culture, extract more and just keep getting that existential experience. It's helped me understand people better, relate to them and connect with them.

Fast forward to now and I decided that I wanted to see my Grandparents again. Last time I'd seen them was on Easter but I feel like I ripped myself and them off by being too tired and letting my real life wear effect the visit. I told myself I would go see them on my next car appointment which I would schedule for next week. Something inside told me this attitude of I can put this off a day or week later could bite me in the ass and that their may not be that next day. I flirted with the idea of seeing them the next day for a surprise visit but was afraid I would just fall into the same trap. Yesterday (Friday/5/9/14) I woke up to my alarm mid afternoon and buckled down the best I could and made it out to accomplish some town errands before the Post Office/Bank closed it's services. Upon doing that I found I had plenty of energy and that I would just gas up, gather some things and make the trip.

Before I left I stopped home and thought I'd bring some accompaniment. The first thing I thought of was the strawberries I had bought. It might not sound like much coming and bearing fruit but anyone who knows me knows I've strayed about as far from healthy fruit and veggies as I could and have just now started to take care of myself. I wanted my grandparents to know that and it also reminds me of when I would actually go pick berries with them. It's likely the first time I brought food for us as I've never really eaten things that are good for a diabetic. So small things do make a difference as it was a treat for them.

The other thing I scoured for was music. This connects this whole long ramble I promise. LOL Anyway, since the creation of the Wal-Mart 5 dollar bin I've bought so much oldies, classic rock and not so old rock/pop music it probably equals a small fortune. One of the things I've been picking up is old Country artist. Now listening to music with my grandparents is not a new thing. Like I mentioned before the drives were a big thing and while playing games I'd speak in the music i thought they could accept if not even warm up too. Pleasant stuff. There'd even be the radio playing their modern country. On occasion I'd play a Country artist I'd warmed up to on my own. For the longest time i'd gone there with just me so we'd play our games or engage in chatter with just silence in the background which has it's merits. The last year or so with Grammies progression into dementia there's been no shortage of speech and I know even the trying repetition will be something I miss when she's gone. There's also been plenty of laughs, new and old stories and reflections on life to make up for it. Plus, I had just recently read an article on the positive effects music has on dementia and that stuck with me.​

 

[Soot and Stars]

Back to in my room and the junkyard of music. LOL I had all these classic country artist and ones that bordered on Country. Some I had listened to already and some I was waiting until I was in the mood to try them. I tried to pick up what would be the best playlist and I made the best effort I could with a quick sweep. Finally after my gathering I was ready to make the trek to Stratford. Things already had a positive beginning as Grammy actually heard my first knock and came to the door right off. That's actually not as common as one might think. There are times when she's RIGHT THERE! LOL Anyway, I brought all my stuff with food of my own to cook, brought out the fruit and my audio supply.

After talking and updating them on my exploits which included my trip to Boston area to see my concert it was time to do a couple lessons in technology. My parents and Aunt had been telling me they were having trouble getting the DVD player I bought the two over a decade to go to work. I thought it was going to be a pain considering their setup and the process of getting around their TV cabinet to fix wires and connections. it turns outs out I had to do none of that. The DVD player turned right on as it was still connected before. it simply needed the input button to be pushed on the actual TV controller rather than the dish controller. Easiest good deed ever but not the first technology faux paux I would find bless their souls. When I first opened the CD door after showing my grandmother some of the titles which she enthusiastically rifled through recognizing all the titles I saw they had tried playing the player perhaps not too too long ago. The CD I found was sitting upside down, clear side up so I take it they never got much mileage out of that. LOL

While I say my grandmother looked through my albums enthusiastically I really think it extended not just to the artist. I know she liked them or even loved some of them especially after seeing the matches in their record collection but I believed it's enhanced by the human connection. The hunter gatherer approach I believe truly brings out the extras spark in any music experience. I bring you something of mine with the extra incentive of thinking it applies to you and you confirm that with an affirmation, a reaction or a story. With Grammies affirmation I played the music first to nothing but the activity of just sitting in, socializing and cooking my dinner to eat.

The first album played was Willie Nelson, his Always On my mind album to be exact, who my grandfather had a little cynicism that she liked THAT much. His doubts may have been valid as I've never seen my grandmother proclaim her love for music as much as she did that night. It almost seemed put on until it just opened doors. I found out her families love for music in the household, social gatherings her parents had where the children were just gathered in a room with music playing, her Moms affinity and skill at piano and things unraveled as memories usually do. One addendum I found that really added something to that story was my Mom told me my Great grandmother actually played the piano for Silent Movies. That's so badass. I really think it was my grandfather who just wasn't a Willie fan so much but my grandmothers knowledge of the melodies she was hearing confirmed her liking.

My grandfather may not be as outward about his enthusiasm but the soundtrack was playing just fine for him and he would contribute with his own extenuation or approval on what he likes and had his own anecdotes. I knew that he was happy and Grammies enthusiasm just made him that much more content. We were in game mode with the game of sequence when I took out my next ace. the Garth Brooks set 5 Decades of Influence which is an excellent set of cover songs of classics and genre spanning standards. it's a no fail! I played the Country disc first which I would guess was my Grandfathers favorite by his involvement and reaction. It had his favorites on their covered with George Jones and Buck Owens. I now regret bringing but never playing that one after seeing the record collection they have and how they expressed liking him more than once. It's funny though, my grandmother surprising got very into the Soul covers particularly Shout, Stand By Me, Drift Away and Stand By Me. I think it was my Grandfathers least favorite as he mocked the repetitive part of Bill Withers "Ain't no Sunshine" with something similar to "Does he know yet?" LOL

After this extended period of time I thinks it's appropriate to comment that this is when I noticed my Grandmother was sharper than she's been in a long time. We didn't have to coach her on how to play the games and I didn't have to replay her the same information even half as much. I had my old Grammy back for much of that night and I do believe that it was lightning in a bottle and that music was part of that magic. I really think it jogged a lot of her memories and lifted her spirits to the point where I really would call it a bit of magic. The magic of music!

After both my grandparents won their own game of Sequence we played Golf and even upon my Grandmothers usual hesitation that she doesn't remember that one it was a matter of words to get her on track where she stayed with almost through completion. At this point I took a small detour and tried something different with my Pete Seeger collection. For those who don't know Pete was one of the biggest influences in Folk ever carrying standards and traditional folk and creating life for them to another generation. He was a part of history and cultural movement. I didn't know that my grandparents would know him even if he existed closer to their age but I knew they would know the songs which was important. Lo and behold my grandmother knew and swooned humming over the beautiful "Where Have All The Flowers Gone?". She may have been thrown off by the goofy story songs like "Ariyoyo" and "Talking Union" (*gasp* He's using swear word! LOL) but "We Shall Overcome", "Turn Turn, Turn" & "This Land Is Your Land" brought her back. For me the gift was I had bought the album out of curiosity and gave it a nice listen one time but this time I listened there was such a richness and feel for it i didn't get the first time. It was magic.

The next album was something knew I thought I'd try. In 2013 their was an artist called Kacey Musgraves that played a more traditional Country album with great lyrics that I personally liked. I tried with the grandparents and it went over well. My grandmother was humming along with the new melodies. One song she laughed and called stupid but she obviously was into it. Ironically the songs title was "Stupid"! LOL My grandmother besides proclaiming her love for music was also saying she'd listen to everything. Only once did I try poking at the truth of this and at her spirit by saying "even Heavy Metal Grammy?" Anyway, I found that when she said I like stupid songs it wasn't an insult. i found plenty of comedy and quirky novelties in her album collection. After Grammy won yet another game (which is always the way it goes, I think she plays naive to kick our ass ) beating me by one damn point Grandpa had to go to bed. I gave Grandpa a huge hug and said goodnight to him. At this point, once the two are separated I usually set out to go home but this time I took Grammy up on her offer to stay a little longer.​

 

[Soot and Stars]

The next and last album I played was Glenn Campbell which Grammy was really a fan of and knew every song. During that playing I got curious and asked my grandparents if they still had their old records. That last part of the night was spent with Grammy and I enthusiastically going through her records. My grandmother against my offers to play tour guide insisted on bending and rifling through the presentation herself. I was a little shocked to see some Carpenters, Temptations, Nancy Sinatra, Sammy Davis, Jr., Dean Martin, 5th Dimension in with the Country records but I almost attribute that to my deceased Uncle Bruces records that got left behind. Still my Grandmother perked up knowingly at many of those too. What I saw was a Country treasure trove with classic and rare Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard, George Jones, Buck Owens, Loretta Lynn, Charlie Pride, Tammy Wynette, Patsy Cline and many more in tow. I also found that she had a huge investment in Kitty Wells albums in which I hope to find on disc for her. I had asked to borrow a record of two, with great care in mind obviously, to try on my player at home. There were so many great ones though that I switched gears and offer to bring my record player over. It's not the best speaker quality but it will be valued for the ability to play old memories alone. My goal is to look for a better quality stand alone record player and give my all-in-one player to my grandparents.

It was time to wrap up the night at that point. I can't believe how flawless it was. Grammy only got stuck a handful of times on a thought and it was her usual. Rob if you've somehow read this far if at all you are always asked about as my nice guy, tall guy, smart guy, friend/roommate repeatedly and i think that says something. Not just about her impression of you but how long our friendship has left an impression for durability and to the point where you are like family to me/us. Between our friendship and your friendship with Dan (sorry Cuz for dragging you in). There's been times where I've been annoyed about reaffirming your status a million times Rob but my grandmothers done the favor or reaffirming how great a friendship we've had. Our friendship is one of the needles she insistently gets stuck on.

I have to mention that after I left the grandparents that I didn't go home. I stopped at the folks and without going into too much detail I have an important one. Not only did I express parts of what I did here to my Mom, , but I extended that into a music extension this time more advanced with the aid of youtube. One very important detail though besides verifying my Great Grandmothers music skills was a detail my grandmother mentioned that I wrote off as confusion. My grandmother said that in recent trips to the doctors (one of the few times she leaves the house) that she and the family would have these car long sing-a-longs and even bring song books. I thought she was mixing up old and new stories or was just embellishing because of her enthusiasm. I didn't picture my parents settling into the whole experience with their hectic hustle and bustle or my grandmother to just break out into song. My Mom confirmed this on her own without my bringing it up. She says my Grandmother has a beautiful voice and she means recent too. I knew my grandmother sang at church and now the next thing I need to do is get to listen to my grandmother break out into song as it's something I regret passing over.

The connection here is that I'm so blessed. I have three loves in my love and that's family, friends and music. Would I say that the human part of that overrides the music part. Hell no but they are all so connected and play such a role. They've always been rich with me and I'm obsessed. I've had the most loving family, the best most enduring friendships and the thread of music throughout all of it. Things are changing/will change and I will lose all of these to some degree physically and on this earth but all three of these things will always be a part of me, within me for as long as I breath. I didn't expect this to be an essay but writing this I have frozen a memory and moment that don't come in constant supply. My family, my friends and music are absolutely my life and the magic that gives me eternal harmony through the highs and lows of my life. <3​

 

[Sunny]

You will always have memories of this special day with your grandparents Soots. All my grandparents are no longer here but I have some wonderful memories of them. They lived in Ireland and Scotland so I wouldn't be as physically close to them as you are but we used to see them for weeks at a time every second year. Both sets of grandparents were musical and there was always music playing. Irish Grandad played the fiddle and he and his mates had a good little thing going whenever there was a local Cèilidh happening and Grandma was a good singer. Scottish grandparents also loved music - folk music, blues and 50's popular music. Granny loved the Beatles Whenever I hear certain songs they listened to I can just picture them in my mind.

 

[Soot and Stars]

You will always have memories of this special day with your grandparents Soots. All my grandparents are no longer here but I have some wonderful memories of them. They lived in Ireland and Scotland so I wouldn't be as physically close to them as you are but we used to see them for weeks at a time every second year. Both sets of grandparents were musical and there was always music playing. Irish Grandad played the fiddle and he and his mates had a good little thing going whenever there was a local Cèilidh happening and Grandma was a good singer. Scottish grandparents also loved music - folk music, blues and 50's popular music. Granny loved the Beatles Whenever I hear certain songs they listened to I can just picture them in my mind.

Sunny, I remember even in early PMs you telling me about your family and how they are so ingrained in music. I was envious and thought it was so awesome! It seriously no matter what the level of it is a thread for almost any tight knit family!

 

[Soot and Stars]

Please anyone who reads this if you believe in prayer pray for my Grandmother. She's being transported to another hospital after a diagnose of a possible heart attack. Please don't let this be my last story to share.

 

[Phil B.]

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and yours Sooty.

 

[Taboo]

Sooty I will keep you and her in my prayers.. I hope all goes well. Stay strong.

 

[Jet]

I'm praying for your grandmother, your family, and for you as well, Sooty.

My own personal best memory with my parents is that my mom loved Charlotte Church. My dad loved Big Band, but one day when we went to visit, he showed us his "discovery" of this "new" singer called Linda Ronstadt. It seems he found an album of hers at a thrift shop, and he fell in love with Blue Bayou. He played it for us, every time we went to visit. I can still hear her singing and see the smile on my dad's face.

 

[Sharp Dressed Man]

Sorry to hear that, Sooty! Wishing your Grandmother a full recovery!