A Journey Into My Mind

[Prime]

Empty

If I even take a glance at my reflection now,
there's no way for me to know what i'm looking at,
nothing there, empty.

It's like...my insecurities, my weaknesses, my fears,
they are all that show.
Nothing on the inside,
except for being broken.

If I could,
I would relive my life,
just to fix what's been broken,
just to be what people want me to be,
to not be such a failure.

I'll live with it,
but I don't feel I deserve to.​

 

[Prime]

When I hear news about the coming years,
that will affect the way I live my life,
it's like taking a gunshot to the head.
It's as if the amount of negativity in my head is punishing me.

It's not my fault,
the negative energy is forced upon me through voice.
Making me feel ill and down.
And I just can't seem to pick myself up.

I'm just stuck, and lost,
and there's nothing else I can do,
but wait.

Just...wait.​

 

[Prime]

How is it,
that even when I am doing the right thing,
somehow it ends up getting thrown back into my face,
making my life a living hell.

Why is it,
that I do everything to ensure happiness in others,
only to create depression and fear in myself.

Can I not be happy when I make other people happy?
Do I have to rid of everyone for me to live?
I can't do that,
My role is to give to people what they deserve,
even if it means taking it away from myself.

And it's the most painful living in the world.​

 

[why?zag!]

wow, prime !..........

just checked your thread. ended up opening up each page in a separate tab
you are a truly amazing talent.
its true that hurt brings out best of raw emotions but still, one has to be truly gifted to pour it out into words and this thread is proof that you are full of it and overflowing...............
will watch every word that prime posts on this forum now on......

rock on

 

[LyricalLaurel]

Untitled



why am I being punished,
please tell me.
Please, just...tell me.
​

Oh yeah. Been saying this since I was 10. Stopped around age 45 -- felt tired of waiting for the answer. Hope you find yours...

A brilliant thread, Prime. I'm looking forward to reading it when I can better concentrate. {{hugs}}

 

[Prime]

Wow, thank you guys. I haven't been in this thread for a little while, haven't had much inspiration to go off of. But I may have a few things I could go off of now. I'll try to write more.

 

[Prime]

Please remember that I have been at a loss of inspiration lately, so i'm writing this in reflection in how I feel right now. It could or couldn't easily have anything to do with my life or anything. But my emotion writes better than my mind.

(Im)possible

Years, years ago, I was someone I could praise,
someone I could know, someone I could trust.
Nowadays, I don't even have the decency to let people know,
I don't let people know who I am, where I am, how I am.

My mind keeps me shut off from the world,
keeps me sitting here, in this cold basement,
never to see daylight, never to see human interaction.

When I trap myself inside, I feel comfort,
when I take a step into the world,
I freak out, I get scared,
my anxiety takes over my body,
causing me to panic and fall over in distress.

Can't decide if taking myself down is what I want,
or if it's something that i'm led to believe I want,
even if it's something I don't want at all.

​

 

[Prime]

A Striking Resemblance

I could stare for hours, days, months,
and I would have only wasted my time.
Looking at it now,
I can't even bare to see my eyes open to see myself,
because all i'll see is pain, hidden.

It wants to come out, it wants to scream at the top of it's lungs,
but i'm holding it down, deep down,
so that instead of screaming,
it's aching, and taking away every inch of life I have left.

Whether I release it or not, it won't change much,
it'll take me away slower and slower as each day passes,
until one day I snap,
and my fear and pain will surround the world,
for everyone to stare, as I have been staring for years.


And in the back of my mind, I hear this song playing as I read this back to myself:


​

 

[Prime]

Without A Feeling

Woke up, drenched in my own sweat,
scared to death, felt like death.
I wanted to move, but I couldn't,
my arms, my legs, they were unavailable.

It's as if the strength was taken out of me,
and it's as if the demon inside me was trying to kill me,
but failed, again.

I wanted to die,
the terrifying sensation in my mind was enough to do it.
It's the most terrifying night scare i've experienced,
and they tend to get worse.

I couldn't even put myself back to sleep,
my mind didn't want it.

Something in my mind is afraid,
and I can't come to believe what it could ever possibly be.

I don't think I want to know.
​

 

[Ember]

Your poetry is phenomenal! I love the openness of your soul and your ability to put it into words. You've eloquently expressed the angst and pain of life, love, and growing up.
I also very much enjoyed your pics in the member's pics thread. Awesome wigs.
The contrast of your playful nature and the depth of your art make you a very interesting person. Knowing the two sides of your personality, although seemingly contradictory, only enhances those specific qualities.
Thank you for sharing your art. Now, carry on with your bad self and rock on!