So, today, having a good $80 to spend on records, I went record store hopping. Among my purchases was the first album by the Modern Lovers, which I bought because I like the song ' Road Runner'. Man, how I wish I had spent that $20 on something else. The Modern Lovers were heavily influenced by bands like the Velvet Underground and the Stooges (although you'd never guess it by listening to the music), and sang songs about standard subjects like teenage boredom/angst, girls, and a love of rock 'n roll. Sounds good, right? Among one of the band's principal stances was a rebellion against the sex and drug excesses of their favorite bands. This stance plays a large part of what makes this the signle wimpiest "protopunk" album ever made. I can dig not liking sex and drugs, I can dig not having sex or doing drugs, I can especially dig not singing about having sex and doing drugs...but making an album filled with songs ABOUT not having sex or doing drugs is what gets me. So, you're straight-edge? Good for you. I don't want to hear about how special you are for being straight edge. I've gone straight edge too, I don't get laid either, I'm not going to go around singing songs praising myself for all that. Call my old fashioned, but I need a little bit of sleaze driving my rock 'n roll. A band can still pull off a good sound without being excessivly sleazy, but the Modern Lovers just fails on all counts. Aside from a few gems (yes, there are a couple of great songs on this record), the band's overall sound is horribly flat. This is not helped any by Jonathon Richman's stale vocals, with the boredom just seeping through the microphone. You don't have to be as edgy as Keith Richards or Johnny Thunders, but for god's sake, at least come across like you have a pulse. You're in love with rock 'n roll...fantastic, let's see some evidence. On a side note, my dad did sound for Richman in the 90's. He met a lot of bastards during his time in the music industry, but apparently Richman was the worst. He said that he came close to laying the guy out a few times...If he's anywhere near as dull and wimpy as his music, then I'm sure that my dad would have had no problem doing so. If you ever find yourself in a record store, and have any temptation to get this record, please, just take your money and throw it in the trashbin. It will be much better spent there than on this terribly lack luster record.