Jokes

Discussion in 'Off Topic Abyss' started by Frands, Aug 30, 2017.

  1. Arkie Malija

    Arkie Malija Senior Member

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    A man to a psychiatrist: "How do you select who should be admitted to your facility?" The psychiatrist replies: "We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub". The man smiles: "Ah, I understand, if you are sane you would take the bucket". The Psychiatrist replies: "No, a sane guy pulls the plug. Do you want a room with or without a balcony?"
     
  2. Frands

    Frands Senior Member

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    Many of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the "mashed potato" as if it were yesterday. They include:

    Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash

    Herman's Hermits --- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker

    Ringo Starr --- I Get By With A Little Help From Depends

    The Bee Gees --- How Can You Mend A Broken Hip

    Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Fa ce

    Johnny Nash --- I Can't See Clearly Now

    Paul Simon --- Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver

    The Commodores --- Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom

    Procol Harem --- A Whiter Shade Of Hair ?

    Leo Sayer --- You Make Me Feel Like Napping

    The Temptations --- Papa's Got A Kidney Stone

    Abba --- Denture Queen
    "You haven't seen my teeth have you Wilma?"

    Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

    Helen Reddy --- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore

    Leslie Gore --- It's My Body, and I'll Cry If I Want To

    And Last but NOT least...

    Willie Nelson --- On the Commode Again
     
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  3. doswizard

    doswizard "That Which does Not Kill Us makes Us Stronger!"

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    Ironic, but true to life. :oyea:



    grumpyglass.jpg
     
  4. Frands

    Frands Senior Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  5. Arkie Malija

    Arkie Malija Senior Member

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    A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "Wow! in all my years tending bar, I've never had a weasel stop by, what can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel.
     
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  6. Arkie Malija

    Arkie Malija Senior Member

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    A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his unholstered pistol and yelled "I have a 45 caliber Colt 1911 with a seven-round magazine plus one in the chamber and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife". A voice from the back of the room called out "You need more ammo!"
     
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  7. Frands

    Frands Senior Member

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    [​IMG]

    I don't have any comments!:whistle:
     
  8. Frands

    Frands Senior Member

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  9. BikerDude

    BikerDude Dude

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    I KNEW IT!


    [​IMG]
     
  10. Arkie Malija

    Arkie Malija Senior Member

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    Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said "Thanks! But how do you know I'm not a serial killer?" I replied "The chances of two serial killers being in the same car are astronomical". Silence.
     

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