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Email Graveyard

Discussion in 'Graveyard' started by Martha Washington, Apr 8, 2005.

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  1. Martha Washington

    Martha Washington eat it! it's GOOD for you

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    I was gonna make this a poll but I guess we don't have polls yet.
    Maybe they'll show up in the mail with the avatars?
    Just as well. Here's a thread for those emails.
    You know the ones.
    The ones people send you that you don't ask for.

    [​IMG]

     
  2. Martha Washington

    Martha Washington eat it! it's GOOD for you

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    I got this one today:

    Management exam

    The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether
    you are qualified to be a professional manager. Scroll down for each answer. The
    questions are NOT difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question!



    1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

    The correct answer is:! Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close
    the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly
    complicated way.

    2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
    Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?


    Wrong Answer.


    Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant
    and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of
    your previous actions.



    3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend...
    except one. Which animal does not attend?



    Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just
    put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first
    three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.


    4. There is a river you ! must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you
    do not have a boat. How do you manage it?



    Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been
    listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether
    you learn quickly from your mistakes.



    According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals
    they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers.
    Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals
    have the brains of a four-year-old.



     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2005
  3. willg54

    willg54 Senior Member

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    Was reading through the forum and came across your stuff here. Pretty funny, where do u find this stuff?
     
  4. Martha Washington

    Martha Washington eat it! it's GOOD for you

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    believe it or not, somebody just SENDS them to me.
    usually somebody I know.
    you know, like those 'send this to your 12 thousand closest friends and you will have good luck" type things.
     
  5. Martha Washington

    Martha Washington eat it! it's GOOD for you

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    here's one:

    > > >Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working
    > > >under your vehicle.
    > > >
    > > > From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a
    > > >Crestview couple who drove their car to Walmart, only to have their car
    > > >breakdown in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the
    > > >shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.
    > > >
    > > >The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the
    > > >car.
    > > >
    > > >On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from
    > > >under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of
    > > >underpants
    > > >turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
    > > >
    > > >Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward,
    > > >quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into
    > > >place.
    > > >
    > > >On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found
    > > >herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
    > > >
    > > > The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his
    > > >forehead.
    > > >
     
  6. willg54

    willg54 Senior Member

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    Thanks Martha . . .it's always nice to read sumthin' that makes you smile out loud . . . :)
     
  7. Martha Washington

    Martha Washington eat it! it's GOOD for you

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    here's a good one!

    Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before the angel to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in.

    The angel asks Dolly if there's a particular reason why she should go to heaven, whereupon she takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

    The angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.

    The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, She spits into the toilet, and pulls the lever.



    The angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."

    Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations, and you turn me down. She simply gargles and she gets in. Would you explain that to me?"

    "Sorry, Dolly," says the angel, "but even in heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are."
     
  8. Martha Washington

    Martha Washington eat it! it's GOOD for you

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    actually saw this on a message board.
    but I sent it to myself, so technically it counts!!
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2007
  9. cunundrumpw

    cunundrumpw Senior Member

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    Absolutely hilarous Martha! Thanks for submitting that one.
     
  10. Martha Washington

    Martha Washington eat it! it's GOOD for you

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    my mailbox has been filling up again.
    here's one:

    >> > A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife
    > looks
    >> > over at him and asks the question....
    >> >
    >> > WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
    >> >
    >> > HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
    >> >
    >> > WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
    >> >
    >> > HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
    >> >
    >> > WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
    >> >
    >> > HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
    >> >
    >> > WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
    >> >
    >> > HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
    >> >
    >> > WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
    >> >
    >> > HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
    >> >
    >> > WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
    >> >
    >> > HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
    >> >
    >> > WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
    >> >
    >> > HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
    >> >
    >> > WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
    >> >
    >> > HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
    >> >
    >> > WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
    >> >
    >> > HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
    >> >
    >> > WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
    >> >
    >> > HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed"
    >> >
    >> > WIFE: -- silence --
    >> >
    >> > HUSBAND: "oops!"
    >> >
    >>
    >
    >
     
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