Side B of Sparks' "Big Beat" album opens with perhaps one of the naughtiest songs of their catalogue: "Throw Her Away (And Get a New One)".
Just like everything else in this world,
time wrecks havoc on every girl!
What do you do, what do you do?!
Throw her away, and get a new one.
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May we present you the top of the line, 1959*?
In top notch shape, but it's always the same.
It's only a matter of time!
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(*A girl born in 1959 would have been 18 years old at the time this record was released.)
The next track, "Confusion", is positively adorable. The lyrical content, however, is not. Russell's enunciation in his vocals, however, are precious. The song was originally going to be featured on a score in a Jacques Tati film. Unfortunately, Jacques died before it could be possible.
I'm going back to see my girl, I hope it's all the same as then!
Confusion, oh! Pardon the intrusion.
This must not be the room I was in the other night.
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Was that her?
Yes, yes it was!
Was that him?!
Yeah, yeah! It was!
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In short, it's a track about a guy who finds that his girl's been untrue while he's been away. And it's basically the end of his world, and a tragedy that anyone should deceive him.
"Screwed Up", another mildly offensive track from the record, is a brilliant stab at humanity and how it's apparently gone downhill. Though it's not meant to be taken seriously, I cite this song as being positively prophetic. Aside from the excellent lyrics, the band has still upheld its "big" sound.
I knew you when you weren't a bit screwed up,
now what you've got is spreading around!
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It's another song that, if it doesn't make you crack a smile, I'm sorry to inform you but your pulse is missing.
"White Women" is, without a doubt, my favourite song from "Big Beat". It's deliciously offensive in every sense of the word. There's no getting around the fact that it's a song that hints at white supremacy. Unfortunately I can't find any audio - perhaps because of the content.
The song itself starts out with some really sneaky drums, and the rest of the band sounds a little bit jerky. You almost expect it to be a Talking Heads tune, but, alas, it's a rock gem with the snarling vocals of Russell.
As long as they're white,
as long as they're white,
as long as they're white from head to toe!
As long as they're white,
as long as they're white,
as long as they're white,
I'll have a go!
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Delicious.
"White Women" was one of the highlights of the "Live at the Bottom Line" bootleg. Russell really snarls the vocals out, to the point where it's almost frightening. One thing I must note about "Big Beat" is that while there's a lot of raucous sound coming from the younger Mael, his falsetto is almost completely MIA.
The final track on "Big Beat", "I Like Girls" was originally written in the late 60s when the brothers were just starting out in Los Angeles. Its most popularly bootlegged demo was recorded, however, during the "Kimono My House" sessions, in 1974.
Enjoy a little brass, a little snazz, and a little taste of what was to come for their next record.
"I Like Girls" is a tune about a guy whose sexual orientation is questioned by his peers, or so he suspects, so he must profess that he likes girls, despite the fact that he sweats in the daytime, but not much at night.
No one's asked me, but I still answer, I like girls!
All those who are with me, let's all raise our hands high.
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Coincidentally, the sexual orientation of both the Mael bros has been an object of speculation since the birth of Sparks. But they're not telling.
A recent re-issue of "Big Beat" unearthed this little gem, a cover of the Beatles' "I Want to Hold Your Hand", which was originally to be recorded as a duet between Russell and Marianne Faithfull. However, she wasn't available, so Russell was left alone with vocals, and this lush arrangement of cheesy delight was born and released as a b-side.
To every extent, "Big Beat" is a long forgotten rock album. Its songs are absolutely solid. If you can handle a little bit of silliness, sleaze, and a romp of pomp, this record has everything you'll ever need, and more.
I rate its original release, on a scale from 1 (worst) to 10 (freaking masterpiece) at a 7. Its production is a little disappointing and the complete absence of the classic Sparks sound was completely discarded. Nonetheless, the album lives in bargain bins and record shops throughout the United States.
Recommended listening from "Big Beat":
I Bought the Mississippi River
White Women
Throw Her Away (And Get a New One)
Confusion
A little personal input:
I love this album. I knew, from the day I received the LP in the post (and after I successfully diverted my gaze from its jaw-dropping exterior) it was bound to be one of my favourites of their discography. I'm hoping someday to find a way to pass the "Live at the Bottom Line" bootleg around. During that tour, they chilled with Patti Smith and the Runaways. Cool. Also, according to Sal Maida, at some point during the Bottom Line show, Ron had a moment in which he slid his piano bench square into the lunch of their record executives! It was typical, during this time, for Ron to finish up the show by busting the hell out of his piano stool.
Because of how often Ron took his frustrations out on helpless piano stools, roadies would tape it up for him, so it could serve as a breakaway prop rather than always buying a new one. On another occasion, if I'm not mistaken, Ron happened to take an ill step off the stage and suffered a severe injury to one of his spindly legs.
During that same year, they were at a show in Santa Monica in December. Who opened for them? Van Halen.
I find it to be a rather accessible album for the casual listener. It's definitely worth the cash and the time - you're really in for something else with this album.
Questions/comments/suggestions are highly welcome.