The official Sparks thread

ladyislingering · 02-09-2010, 07:26 AM

There's not a Sparks thread yet! How odd, how odd.

They've completely eaten my brain and devoured my soul, tenfold. Allow me to bestow my nerdy knowledge upon the "everything else" folder, as Sparks cannot be confined to any certain decade (as they've released 22 albums since 1972, and may outlive everyone in due time).

Sparks originally consisted of brothers Ron and Russell Mael; brothers Earle and James Mankey, and a drummer, Harley Feinstein. In 1969 they were called Halfnelson. In '72 they released their first record (which was also originally called "Halfnelson", in turn having a completely different album cover from what would soon be repackaged as "Sparks"). Due to an executive suggestion for a change of name ("Halfnelson" sounded a little too "wrestling", therefore not being attention-grabbing or media friendly enough) they were soon called Sparks.

(Other suggestions included "Sparks brothers" or "the Sparks".)

"Halfnelson" was then a record repackaged as "Sparks", with a new record cover designed by the eldest of the Mael brothers, Ron (who was originally studying film and art at UCLA; his brother, four years behind, would follow).

One minor hit, "Wonder Girl" reached #2 in a small Alabama town (for some odd reason).

The band would not find great success at home in Los Angeles, despite seeing a few local venues. They were at first, of course, visually distinctive - and would perhaps forever be remembered by those who attended a show in which a terrible happening occurred: Russ dropped a mallet on his head and required immediate medical attention.

Though neither of the Mael brothers studied music in school Ron was involved in piano lessons from an early age (and would soon be scaring the shit out of young children everywhere). Russ learned to sing in the high keys his brother wrote - and to sing quickly, as Ron's lyrics were meticulously crafted and insanely wordy.

Recommended listening from "Sparks":

"Wonder Girl"
"Fa La Fa Lee" (an ode to keeping it in the family, wink wink.)

The Maels released one more record with the Mankeys and Harley: A Woofer In Tweeter's Clothing (1973). Finding that America just wasn't responding the way they'd liked, the Maels nixed their band, sold most of their possessions, and moved to England. (Their mother was born there - apparently she and their step(?)father owned a catering business there during this time.)

Ron and Russ had been hardcore Anglophiles during most of their lives and were totally stoked about the move. They figured that maybe the UK would be a little more receptive toward the music they were making. (Which is perhaps the great undying fact - America is lame as hell about things anyway.)

Recommended listening from "Woofer":

"Beaver O'Lindy" (an ode to masturbation)
"Whippings and Apologies" (a polite jab at child abuse)
"Girl from Germany"

Rumour has it Ron wrote "This Town Ain't Big Enough for Both of Us" waiting for a train on a rainy day - it reached #2 on the charts in 1974, taking the back burner to The Rubettes' "Sugar Baby Love" (which floors me, still). It was the biggest hit from their new LP, Kimono My House.

ladyislingering · 02-09-2010, 07:27 AM

Their appearance on Top of the Pops had quite an impact - Ron had changed his image to better suit his personality; with his slicked-back hair, toothy grin, and toothbrush moustache (which, apparently, didn't have intentions of looking like that of Hitler, but more like that of Charlie Chaplin), his rolling eyes and sedentary stage presence was unlike any other.

Russell, on the other hand, with his pretty face, boyish good looks, and his nature of bouncing off the freaking walls drew a lot of attention to himself - he and Ron were often in teenage magazines during the 70s. In fact, their teenybopper following bothered them - they were writing music for the intelligent, but had screaming girls tearing down their stages and trying to rape them on the spot!

(Can you blame them?)

Their new lineup for the Kimono album included Adrian Fisher (guitar); Martin Gordon (bass) and Norman "Dinky" Diamond (drums). The cover was a bizarre sight: two girls in Kabuki makeup, and in kimonos! They figured this move would make someone want to flip the cover over, wondering what kind of weirdos are behind these shenanigans.

At this point Sparks was often compared to the likes of Roxy Music; they would also soon be compared to the likes of Queen.

Recommended listening from "Kimono":

"This Town Ain't Big Enough for Both of Us"
"Amateur Hour"
"Equator"
"Talent is An Asset"

Martin was nixed after that record, due to creative differences between him and the brothers Mael (an incident that he's apparently still kind of bitter about - on his personal website he doesn't speak highly of Ron and Russ at all). For their next record, Propaganda (1974), the Maels recruited another guitarist, Trevor White, and a new bassist, Ian Hampton. With Adrian and Dinky still on board.

Rumour has it that the photo shoot for the "Propaganda" package was torturous - the cover features Ron and Russ bound, gagged, and on a speedboat (being pelted by the elements); the inner sleeve is a photo of the brothers hogtied on a king size bed, with Russ happening upon a rotary telephone. The back cover: Ron and Russ are in the backseat of an attractive vehicle, gagged and looking panicked in the backseat while the other band members chill outside at the petrol station.

With sweeping vocal acrobatics, Russell's falsetto madness was never showcased more impressively.

Recommended listening from "Propaganda":

"Don't Leave Me Alone With Her"
"Something for the Girl With Everything"
"BC"

They would keep this lineup for their next record, Indiscreet (1975). This album would be a huge contrast from "Kimono" and "Propaganda". With lots of strings, brass, and big band sound provided by producer Tony Visconti, "Indiscreet" was a record to remember. The cover depicted Russ amongst the pieces of a crashed airplane, and Ron looking puzzled and dismayed over the wreckage.

The tracks on Indiscreet were mostly of somewhat offensive or racy topics, further proving that Ron could turn any concept into something gloriously hilarious. Russ, who had actually done most of the writing for Sparks' earlier material, had contributed a piece he wrote by himself - "Pineapple".

Recommended listening from "Indiscreet":

"Tits"
"Without Using Hands"
"Under the Table With Her"
"Pineapple"

After "Indiscreet", the brothers Mael decided to return to America for a new record, which would be entitled "Big Beat". The record would be produced by Rupert Holmes, who was then known for his hit "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)". They recorded in August 1976, in New York, with a lineup consisting of the brothers Mael with Jeffrey Salen (guitar), Sal Maida (bass), and Hilly Michaels (drums).

"Big Beat" was yet another huge contrast to what came before - the title didn't lie. It was a rock epic that could have been commercially successful. Two tracks from the album, "Big Boy" and "Fill 'er Up" were lip-synched by Russ, Ron and the guys for the 1976 disaster film "Rollercoaster" (legend has it that Kiss passed up the opportunity, this giving way for Sparks to take the role).

Ron was quick and witty as ever with his lyrical skill - amongst the funniest tunes were "White Women" (. . . "as long as they're white, I'll have a go!") and "Throw Her Away (And Get a New One)".

If a person should be able to get past the cover art, (which features Ron looking slick in shirt and tie, and Russ completely shirtless and quite delectable) there was a romp to be had. Raucous, obnoxious lyrics accompany a record full of attitude.

(Might I add that the inner sleeve of the record is equally delightful. Oh, my.)

Recommended listening from "Big Beat":

"Big Boy"
"White Women"
"Confusion"
"Everybody's Stupid"
"Throw Her Away (And Get A New One)"

Sparks' next record, in 1977, would be produced by Todd Rundgren. The title would be quite odd in many respects: "Introducing Sparks".

It appeared the brothers Mael returned to what was once definitive of Los Angeles natives: beachy surf rock, and summertime music. "Introducing" was certainly a delight. Indeed recorded in Los Angeles, with tons of session musicians and backing vocalists (I won't even begin to list them all) the entire thing was reminiscent of earlier days.

It's a record that makes you want to take a blanket out in the grass, and just stay there for days. The cover is difficult to describe - due to the fact that Ron was on one side, Russ on the other (both wearing like outfits), a person could walk into a record store in one location, and see Ron - and another could see Russ on the cover in a neighbouring store.

One common feature between this new record, and the previous, was that the songs were filled with silly or demeaning lyrics.

To correspond with the red outfits, the album was released on both red and standard black vinyl (I have both!).

Recommended listening from "Introducing":

"Ladies"
"A Big Surprise"
"Over the Summer"
"I'm Not"

ladyislingering · 02-09-2010, 07:27 AM

This would prove to be the last record Ron and Russ would cut with an actual traditional rock group. For their next record they relocated to Belgium. After having been inspired and turned on by Donna Summer's "I Feel Love" they decided to collaborate with Giorgio Moroder, who was already a widely respected record producer and musician.

An underground electropop masterpiece was created under Giorgio's supervision: "Number One in Heaven" (1978). During this time Sparks was very popular in Germany, France, and neighbouring areas. The record was only 6 tracks in length; Ron and Russ found they had full control over the direction of their music.

Three tracks - "The Number One Song In Heaven", "Tryouts for the Human Race", "Beat the Clock" - would be released on a slew of different coloured vinyl, 12" singles. They (as well as "La Dolce Vita") would be minor hits. The packaging for the LP itself and these singles were very provocative - a model in a white lab coat and not much more! (On the backside of one of the singles, she appears partially nude.)

On the mock runoff portions of these singles were comedy skits by Peter Cook.

Recommended listening from "No. 1 in Heaven":

"Beat the Clock" (12" version)
"La Dolce Vita"
"Tryouts for the Human Race"

Moroder would help the Maels out with one more record - 1979's "Terminal Jive" and 1981's "Whomp that Sucker" (which had actually seen the return of a band lineup). I have read from many sources that "Terminal Jive" is reportedly the least favourite of Ron and Russ, because Giorgio had assumed too much control in the production and direction of the music. Nonetheless it spawned a major hit in France: "When I'm With You" (which was also featured once more on the LP as an instrumental track).

A promotional video depicted Ron as a ventriloquist with puppet Russ on his lap.

Cover art from "Jive" portrayed Ron and Russ in what appears to be a discotheque - Ron is in the foreground with his hands over his ears and his teeth clenched; Russ in the background looking dizzied and bored.

Random fact: During this time Ron and Russ appeared in a much coveted book called "Rock Stars in their Underpants".

Suggested listening from "Terminal Jive":

"When I'm With You"
"Young Girls" (a fine display of Ron's filthy mind)
"Just Because You Love Me"
"Noisy Boys" (which would seem to be Russell's theme song)

The cover of their next record featured Russ out cold in a boxing ring, and manorexic Ron bouncing joyfully of his victory in the background. The production of the record is extremely dodgy, but it's a pleasant listen for the seasoned Sparks fan.

Random fact: during this time Ron wrote all the lyrics to Telex's "Sex (Birds & Bees)" album.

Recommended listening from "Whomp":

"Funny Face"
"I Married a Martian"
"Tips for Teens"
"Don't Shoot Me"

"Whomp" would be much like the next couple records to follow - two tracks from the record spawned music videos. "Tips For Teens" featured a staged boxing match between Ron and Russ; "Funny Face" still creeps me out with Ron running after (and offering bonbons to) little girls. The following album, "Angst In My Pants" (1982) would be very similar.

"Angst In My Pants" was altogether an incredible package. With an unforgettable cover showcasing Russ in a silvery suit made of sequins, smiling with his new smile (sans snaggletooth) and linking arms with Ron, donned in a dramatic wedding dress with a cheeky little grin, the suspense of what's inside is enough to drive a person nuts.

With their same lineup including Les Bohem (bass), Bob Haag (guitar), David Kendrick (drums), and newcomer James Goodwin (additional synthesizers) the record was recorded in Munich, West Germany (though mastered in Los Angeles).

Sparks experienced moderate popularity with this new record - "I Predict" turned out a fantastic music video depicting Ron as a stripper (a gimmick he also used in live performances, believe it or not). "Eaten By the Monster of Love" was also featured in the classic film "Valley Girl".

That year Sparks appeared on Saturday Night Live for their songs "Mickey Mouse" (which was the object of much disdain from Disney) and "I Predict" (but Ron kept his clothes on).

Suggested listening from "Angst":

"Angst In My Pants" (an ode to the random erection)
"I Predict" (Ron's clever stab at the tabloids)
"The Decline and Fall Of Me"
"Eaten By the Monster of Love"
"Tarzan and Jane"
"Moustache" (Ron's epic to his own moustache.)

ladyislingering · 02-09-2010, 07:28 AM

Sparks' follow-up record, "In Outer Space" (1983) would see the end of their synthesizer-heavy sound. Keeping the same lineup, and recording in the same location (for the most part) it was kind of a sleeper with the exception of a few songs that were moderately commercially successful.

Jane Wiedlin (who was also a Los Angeles native) of the Go-Go's was recruited for a couple tracks after the brothers Mael found out that she had started her own unofficial Sparks fan club - instead of a lawsuit, they asked if she would sing for them. Her vocals can be found on the tracks "Lucky Me, Lucky You" and "Cool Places" (which was a minor American hit mostly due to Jane's star power).

"Outer Space"'s cover wears Russ looking rather stoned and Ron with a pie in the face (a concept so epic that I do, in fact, have a pinback button of the cover). This year also yielded the death of Ron's controversial moustache. (He would later elaborate on its new meticulous design - "streamlined for the 90's".)

Suggested listening from "In Outer Space":

"I Wish I Looked a Little Better"
"All You Ever Think About is Sex"
"Dance Goddammit"
"Please Baby Please"

1984 would bring yet another record: "Pulling Rabbits Out of a Hat". The cover is fantastic (I actually have the original giant promo poster for this record) - Ron's head-on glare of doom, with Russ as a handpuppet.

"With All My Might" turned out to be a minor hit with a tender music video. The LP is generally a romantic serenade with the exception of "Prayin' for A Party" and the title track.

Suggested listening from "Rabbits":

"Pulling Rabbits out of a Hat"
"With All My Might"

In 1986 another Sparkschild was born: "Music That You Can Dance To". It spawned two minor hits: "Change" and "Modesty Plays".

"Modesty Plays" was originally called "Modesty Blaise" - a movie was planned to be underway based on the comic about a crime fighting mademoiselle. It was canned and the Maels were denied rights to the name - to protect themselves, they changed the name of the song but Russ is actually singing "Modesty Blaise" anyway. The title track to this record was accompanied by a low-budget music video; as a silly joke Ron and Russ showed up to a British TV appearance with a cardboard cutout they made of a television face, told the hosts that they weren't given enough in their budget to supply them with a video for "Change" and Russ proceeded with lip-synching to the song behind the cardboard cutout.

"Shopping Mall of Love" is a track with mostly Ron's vocals. The only other song in the Sparks catalogue up to this point with his voice would have been backing vocals in "Pineapple".

Suggested listening from "Music":

"Music That You Can Dance To"
"Shopping Mall of Love"
"Rosebud"
"Change"
"Modesty Plays"

In 1989 Ron and Russ teamed up with French duo Les Rita Mitsouko and appeared on three tracks from LRM's record "Marc et Robert". These tracks were "Singing in the Shower", "Hip Kit", and "Live in Las Vegas". The first two songs were accompanied by strange music videos, but were nonetheless moderately popular in the UK, France, and America.

During this time, Sparks' record "Interior Design" was born. Photography was supplied by Christi Haydn, who would someday be their drummer and would have a brief affair with Russell. ID is a sleeper of a record. Russell's vocals are incredibly pleasant, but Ron's lyrics are taking a mushy slump.

Recommended listening from "ID":

"So Important"

ladyislingering · 02-09-2010, 07:28 AM

Between 1989 and 1994 Ron and Russell were involved in a few side projects, which have been rumoured to be film-related. Otherwise it would appear to be quite a significant break. 1994 brought much popularity for the brothers Mael, especially in Germany when their latest hit was released: "When Do I Get to Sing My Way?"

In 1995 their latest brainchild was released: "Gratuitous Sax & Senseless Violins". The only other major hit from this record would be "When I Kiss You (I Hear Charlie Parker Playing)". Both songs were released as 12" singles as well. Now as a three-piece with Christi Haydn on drums, Sparks would receive a lot of attention during this time, grabbing a lot of TV spots, doing a lot of magazine interviews, and promoting their latest record in any way they could.

Both of the major hits were also accompanied by lushly produced music videos, as well as the minor hit "Now That I Own the BBC".

In 1997, Ron and Russ released another album called "Plagiarism". It was basically an album where they covered a bunch of their older songs in styles they were more into during this time. Their new mastering of "The Number One Song in Heaven" turned out a very dark and touching music video.

2000 saw the release of the newest Sparks record, "Balls". It seemed Sparks were up to par again. Ron was sharp and witty as ever with his songwriting; Russ still knew how to wow fans with his vocal talent. Many songs from this album were featured on their DVD "Live in London" the same year.

Suggested listening from "Balls":

"More Than A Sex Machine"
"Scheherazade"
"Balls"
"The Angels"
"How to Get Your Ass Kicked"

Their next record "L'il Beethoven" was released in 2003. An art rock masterpiece, this particular album turned out 3 music videos "The Rhythm Thief", "I Married Myself" and "My Baby's Taking Me Home". Ron and Russ would soon name their recording studio after this one. A concert DVD would also be released this year.

I suggest that a person should listen to this entire album. Start to finish. But here are my favourites:

"I Married Myself"
"Ugly Guys With Beautiful Girls"
"Suburban Homeboy"

In 2006 Ron and Russ again went from being a two piece to a three piece; Christi was dismissed after GS&SV and drummer Tammy Glover was introduced. "Hello Young Lovers" was born. This album was released on vinyl in three different colours: pink, white, and black. The cover was a clever jab at youth: tons of white rabbits.

Two songs from this album were very popular in the UK: "Dick Around" and "Perfume". Both songs were accompanied by music videos; the latter was featured in American TV series "Gilmore Girls" and is now being featured in a Dolce and Gabbana ad.

Suggested listening from "Hello Young Lovers":

"Dick Around"
"(Baby, Baby) Can I Invade Your Country?"
"Here Kitty"
"Metaphor"
"Perfume"

In early 2008 a new Sparks album was underway. In the springtime when they were polishing up the finishing touches, they came up with a brilliant idea. Why not play 21 nights straight, one album per night with B-sides, the 21st night leading up to a full live performance of "Exotic Creatures of the Deep".

So that's what they did. Thus the Sparks spectacular (later nicknamed "21x21") was born. After much rehearsal, they followed through with what appeared to be perfection and ease.

21 albums. 21 nights.

With a new image, "Exotic Creatures of the Deep" is a polished, lush masterpiece. Ron and Russ were invited to the Jonathan Ross Show to perform a couple times that year.

Suggested listening from ECOTD:

"Let the Monkey Drive"
"(She Got Me) Pregnant"
"Lighten Up, Morrissey"

Their latest project to-date is called "The Seduction of Ingmar Bergman". It came about when Swedish Sveriges radio commissioned Ron and Russ to write a radio drama that incorporated something that America and Sweden shared in common - or could both relate to. A display of the audio was held in a gathering at Sodra Teatern, which I assume is a music hall in Sweden, on August 14th, 2009.

What they're up to now is only in the curious fantasies of their fans. These guys will live forever and ever. I'll be posting some photos and videos soon.

**Soot and Stars** · 02-09-2010, 07:29 AM

Nice to see you doing some band thread Lady! I remember you said you would post some once boredom crept in so I'm glad it did! I love the song titles!

I like your writeup and can't wait for the vids!

ladyislingering · 02-09-2010, 07:45 AM

Some videos:

Sparks - "Wonder Girl/Do Re Mi" (1973, German TV)

Sparks - "Amateur Hour" (1974)

golly gee, I want to see Russ outside of those pants.

Sparks - "Looks, Looks, Looks" (1975)

(I actually have a 4x6 black and white photo of Russ sitting on Ron's piano - it's a still from this video.)

Sparks - "Beat the Clock"

Tiny Ron is tiny.

ladyislingering · 02-09-2010, 07:51 AM

More videos!

"When Do I Get To Sing My Way" (1995)

When do I get to feel like Sid Vicious did . . . .

"When I Kiss You (I Hear Charlie Parker Playing)" (1995)

"Singing in the Shower" (with Les Rita Mitsouko) (1989)

"Hip Kit" (with Les Rita Mitsouko) (1989)

If you can get past Russell's retarded hair, that is.

ladyislingering · 02-09-2010, 07:57 AM

Sparks - "Beaver O'Lindy" (Live at 21x21, 2008)

"Never Turn Your Back on Mother Earth" (1974)

I adore Russell's manorexic figure.

"Something for the Girl With Everything"

Oh heavens, I love them.

ladyislingering · 02-09-2010, 08:09 AM

And now for some photos:

The innersleeve for the "Big Beat" record, 1976:

Back cover of "Rabbits" (1984)

From the "Indiscreet" tour booklet (1976)

Silly Ron.

2009:

ladyislingering · 02-09-2010, 08:19 AM

1972 or 73:

Mid 80s:

Russell ('08 or '09):

"All You Ever Think About is Sex"

"I Wish I Looked a Little Better"

"Don't Leave Me Alone With Her"

"Don't Shoot Me"

ladyislingering · 02-09-2010, 09:07 AM

Classic Sparks lyrics:

"After all, self-made men have daughters who just won't ball."

(from "Wonder Girl")

"Fa la, fa lee
she thinks only of the higher parts of me.
Such a shame, were I she
I'd set my sights much lower than I'd sing
fa la, fa la, fa lee.
But as it stands, now ... that would be a felony."

(from "Fa La Fa Lee")

"I'm the girl in your head, but the boy in your bed."
(from "Beaver O'Lindy")

"Girls grow tops to go topless in
while we sit and count the hairs that blossom on our chins
our voices change at a rapid pace
I could start a song at tenor and then end as bass."

(from "Amateur Hour")

"Thank god it's not Christmas,
when it's only you
and nothing else to do."

(from "Thank God it's Not Christmas")

"You mentioned Kant and I was shocked, so shocked.
You know, where I come from, none of the girls have such foul tongues."

(from "Hasta Manana, Monsieur")

"I'm gonna hang myself from my family tree."

(from "In My Family")

"Once the fixture of the ages, the yellow pages
start with baby's needs;
BC, back to swinging in the trees,
BC, back to crawling on my knees.
Aaron's here without a Betty."

(from, "B.C.")

"Have another sweet, my dear -
don't try to talk, my dear -
your tiny little mouth is full.
Here's a flavour you ain't tried!
You shouldn't try to talk - your mouth is full!"

(from "Something for the Girl With Everything")

"Dinner for twelve is now dinner for ten,
'cause I'm under the table with her."

(from "Under the Table With Her")

"For months, for years,
tits were once a source of fun and games at home.
But now she says, tits are only there to feed our little Joe."

(from "Tits")

"Risky business, all this waiting, wondering.
Can't you see the lady is lingering?"

(from "The Lady is Lingering")

"It's not very hard to make history.
Looks, looks, looks.
Just some cavalry and a good uniform that fits in places
where everyone tends to look and marvel
at the way you lead them on."

(from "Looks, Looks, Looks")

"He's well-equipped, the girls are sure.
Is that a guess, or something more?"

(from "Big Boy)

"I traded you for Jean and Myra.
I traded them for the mormon choir.
Now I got some music, and the Lord.
And I'm feeling dumber than before."

(from "Everybody's Stupid")

"I knew you when you weren't a bit screwed up.
Now what you've got is spreading around."

(from "Screwed Up")

"The places that I'm cruising,
the places that I stay,
are filled with Anglo Saxons,
and I get my way."

(from "White Women")

"Eva Braun is cracking jokes,
while Joan of Arc just sits and smokes."

(from "Ladies")

"It's the weekend.
Don't blow it, oh no.
Don't blow that two day pass.
We're in the weekend,
so get up and go.
Don't sit down on your ass."

(from "Goofing Off")

"Baby, you're looking younger every day.
(La Dolce Vita.)
I really mean it, it ain't just the pay."

(from "La Dolce Vita")

"No time for relationships,
skip the foreplay, let 'er rip."

(from "Beat the Clock")

"You think you're romantic,
well, I'll whisper in your ear.
I'll be all you'll hear for years, and years, and years.
You may be deaf to everything, you won't be deaf to me."

(from "My Other Voice")

"I'm always hot and bothered, when I'm with you.
I always need a shower, when I'm with you."

(from "When I'm With You")

"And they will hold you, though it might not be tight.
And they will kiss you, though it might not be right."

(from "Young Girls")

"This is where you kill a guy,
and you know he's still alive."

(from "Upstairs")

"I tried to cross the street,
and I almost got mowed down,
but the softest little hand
yanked me back to safer ground."

(from "Suzie Safety")

"Hello, everybody,
this is Russell.
Right before I sing, I'm gonna make a muscle."
[......]
"Order in the court and here's the charges:
under the influence of wacky women!
How do you plead - quit making muscles!"

(from "Wacky Women")

"When you're all alone, and nothing bites
you wish you'd stayed at home with someone nice.
And when you think you've made it disappear,
it comes again - hello, I'm here."

(from "Angst In My Pants")

"Cold beer and pretzels takes care of cancer."

(from "I Predict")

"One hundred hairs make a man."

(from "Moustache")

"Now they're ripping their shirts and their tights.
Now they're swinging from fluorescent lights.
Look at Bob, he was getting straight A's.
Who's he carrying 'round on his face?"

(from "Tarzan and Jane")

"Now I've got a hobby, I collect frozen pizzas.
Check out my pizzas."

(from "The Decline and Fall of Me")

"I went to Balboa Island
and laid in the sand.
I may be ugly as sin, but at least now I'm tan."

(from "I Wish I Looked A Little Better")

"I heard the angels call your name.
They feel ashamed.
Because you look so ****ing good."

(from "The Angels")

to be continued, eventually.